01 February 2006 @ 12:05 am
Fic: Recriminations [ G - Harry ]  
Title: Recriminations

Author: [livejournal.com profile] mithborien

Word Count: 582

Rating: G

Characters: Harry

Note: Written for [livejournal.com profile] jamie2109 AWDT prompt except I kinda deliberately misinterpreted the prompt.

~

I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news but your son…

Your daughter sacrificed her life but it was not…

It is with my heartfelt condolences…


Harry throws the quill across the room and when that doesn’t seem enough he sends the ink pot flying after it. The sound the lamp makes when it crashes into the wall after he finally hurls it is the most satisfying though. It is old, an antique really and the deeply stained wood and polished brass make the most delightful thump against the plaster. The crack in the table that it causes when it falls to the ground afterwards is a perfect counterpoint.

There was nothing I could do…

I tried to save him…

She died defending others…


His heart hasn’t stopped pounding since the moment he laid down his wand at the end of the war. The moment that he realised that while Voldemort was destroyed completely, there was also scores of dead bodies around him. Classmates and friends, allies and comrades, people whose faces he didn’t recognise but who fought anyway because they knew his face. They fought because of him. They fought because he asked them to and he got them all killed.

He died bravely and with honour…

She died quickly and painlessly…

I couldn’t get to them before the enemy tore them apart…


He hasn’t used magic since the end. Not even for a simple Lumos or to warm up the coffee he has every night. The dark liquid keeps him awake past midnight, when the worst of the nightmares always seem to happen and it makes him jittery enough so that he can’t dream when he closes his eyes to doze. The press have stopped trying to cajole him for interviews and people have stopped trying to shake his hand on the rare occasions that he ventures out.

I avenged your sister’s death…

Your brother’s murderer has been sentenced…

Some escaped…


It doesn’t matter that Ron and Hermione are still alive. That Ginny still makes a point to visit him every week. The fact that the Weasley clan is still intact doesn’t make him happy. He should be glad that werewolves aren’t discriminated against by law anymore and that Remus has managed to pull a life together for himself. He should be thankful that McGonagall is still the headmaster of Hogwarts and the Order still functions. But no matter how much he has left, it doesn’t matter because he can’t get rid of the unbearable guilt for the ones who didn’t make it. Because everyone says he is a hero but since when do heroes cause massacres?

I don’t know what else to say…

He will be remembered…

I won’t forget…


The floor of his room is covered in torn up letters that he has never sent. There aren’t enough words in the world to convey the remorse and sadness that he feels but he tries. He knows that nothing will ever make it better for the families of loved ones lost but he still tries. He wishes he had found another way, another way to defeat Voldemort that didn’t involve leaving a trail of innocents behind him. He wishes that he had died in that battle, quickly and painlessly and maybe with honour instead of slowly dying each day, suffocating from the guilt and pain that he can’t let go.

But he knows that if he had died then Voldemort would have lived.

I’m sorry he’s dead.

 
 
( Post a new comment )
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on November 10th, 2012 01:40 pm (UTC)
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on January 31st, 2006 04:47 pm (UTC)
Thankyou :)
[identity profile] sugareey.livejournal.com on February 1st, 2006 10:27 pm (UTC)
you know...i kind of like that this wasn't in letter form. there's just something you really can't put in words when you want yo explain feelings to someone. i can see why this would so hard for harry. nicely done.
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 2nd, 2006 02:09 pm (UTC)
Thankyou :)
[identity profile] daylyn.livejournal.com on February 5th, 2006 05:31 pm (UTC)
Beautifully sad and tragic. Just lovely.
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 08:42 am (UTC)
Thankyou :)
[identity profile] drusillas-rain.livejournal.com on February 5th, 2006 05:50 pm (UTC)
oh, so sad and lovely
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 08:42 am (UTC)
Thankyou :)
[identity profile] 1-bad-idea.livejournal.com on February 5th, 2006 10:25 pm (UTC)
That last bit just tore my heart out. I like the way you interpreted the prompt.
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 08:42 am (UTC)
Thankyou :)
[identity profile] jamie2109.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 01:14 am (UTC)
Wow, you do it to me every time. I love your writing and this is no exception. Hauntingly close to how I see Harry being in canon at the end. So beautifully set out, and I love the heartbreaking emotions you show. Great job! *hugs*
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 08:43 am (UTC)
Thankyou :D
[identity profile] firnsarnien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 01:19 am (UTC)
Wow! This was just awesome! How do you tell someone their loved one is dead? Hard thing to do and Harry's many failed attempts to do just that is so realistic. When he finally realizes at the end that there is no easy way to do it, you just have to say it, bluntly. Wow, that was beautiful!
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 08:43 am (UTC)
Thankyou :D
[identity profile] sappybeaver.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 01:28 am (UTC)
*tears up* that was so beautiful. A wonderful piece.
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 08:43 am (UTC)
Thankyou :)
[identity profile] faerie-mistress.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 02:21 am (UTC)
Beautifully heartwrenching. My compliments, I have to go read it again now.
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 08:44 am (UTC)
Thankyou :) Hearing someone say they have to go read your story again is one of the best things an author can hear.
[identity profile] snottygrrl.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 06:21 am (UTC)
wow. just, wow. [*whimpers*]

well done.
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 08:44 am (UTC)
Thankyou :)
[identity profile] nocturnali.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 11:54 am (UTC)
Wow.
If that's what happens when you deliberately misinterpret the prompt, feel free to do it every time.
That was heartreakingly beautiful.
And a different approach, very nice.

Thank you.
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 03:12 pm (UTC)
Hah, thankyou :)

I think I'm misinterpreting the propmt this week as well. Well not so much misinterpreting as rather rearranging a bit :P If I can make it work I should have a 3000 word fic to share. Eek.
[identity profile] nocturnali.livejournal.com on February 7th, 2006 12:57 am (UTC)
Excellent.
It's all open to interpretation. I've done it too on a few occasions.
[identity profile] bambu345.livejournal.com on February 6th, 2006 05:00 pm (UTC)
One of the most tragic things about Harry is that he, too, is one of the innocents sacrificed in the wizarding civil war. I, too, am one who thinks that if Harry survives he would be deeply warped by what has happened.

Your vignette is a beautiful extrapolation from canon. I particularly like the fact that you have him eschewing his magic. I also like the implied imagery of the littered parchment rising in height, like the upwelling of his grief and guilt poured onto the page in snippets.

Very nice.
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 7th, 2006 10:51 am (UTC)
Thankyou :) That was a great review.
[identity profile] bambu345.livejournal.com on February 7th, 2006 03:37 pm (UTC)
It was my pleasure. Do you mind if I friend you? I'd like to read your other pieces of work as they pop up in my f-list.
[identity profile] mithborien.livejournal.com on February 7th, 2006 04:15 pm (UTC)
No, of course not :) I am going to friend you back.
[identity profile] bambu345.livejournal.com on February 7th, 2006 06:28 pm (UTC)
Great. Thanks.
[identity profile] beautyfulevil.livejournal.com on February 9th, 2006 01:58 am (UTC)
Aww; that's so sad. *wipes tears*
It's really well written though.
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