Title: Are we having fun yet?
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mithborien
Word Count: 4923
Rating: PG-13 for language
Characters: James and Sirius
Note: This is probably woefully unbalanced and disjointed but well, that kinda describes these boys so it kinda makes sense. Though any concrit is appreciated. Written forjamie2109 AWDT prompt.
The house is covered in ice white ribbons and deep green branches dusted with fake snow.
Sirius had tried to shake the snow off onto the expensive rug in the living room but his mother caught him and sent him to his room with the admonishment to stay out of the way until the guests arrived, at which point he was to come downstairs and behave like a good son of the House of Black.
It has just started to snow for real and Sirius stares out the window morosely, fiddling with the high starched collar of his dress robe. He wonders how long he can push staying up here after the guests arrive until his mother gets angry and drags him downstairs.
The front door slams and he hears the murmurs of some more guests and the high laughter of ladies who are only here so his mother can insult them behind their backs.
He sighs and spares one last glance out the window before making his way slowly down the stairs. He could stay in his room, hide when his mother comes looking but it isn’t worth it to make her angry. Her punishments never fail to be most efficient.
His mother barely notices when he slips into the main ballroom of Grimmauld Place, the ceiling high with glittering chandeliers floating around the edges. There is a table of hors d’oeuvres off to the side and house elves serving wine mingling through the centre of the room. One of Sirius’ uncles notices him and gives a wave which Sirius returns before sneaking a handful of food and retreating to a corner to wait out the night.
His little brother is no doubt following his father around. Their family’s latest pride and joy since Sirius has disappointed the Black family so badly. He doesn’t even know what he did wrong to deserve his mother’s ire. He just doesn’t like being told what to do.
“Bored too, huh?” a voice says at his elbow and Sirius turns to see a messy haired boy about his own age staring out at the gathering with a wary expression on his face.
“Who the hell are you?” Sirius blurts out because after all, he highly doubts anyone decent is going to be at one of his mother’s parties and with his luck this boy is probably some snotty nosed son of some pureblood witch who would only get him in trouble.
The other boy raises an eyebrow. “James Potter, who the hell are you?”
Sirius blinks. “Sirius Black,” he replies slowly then adds thoughtfully. “Potter… Your parents are that lot who sympathise with Muggles, aren’t they? Why are they even here?”
James grins and shrugs. “Keeping up appearances? Scouting out the enemy? Who knows?” He glances out a nearby window, sniffs and wipes his noise with his sleeve. “It’s started to snow. Wanna go outside? It’s not like anything fun is happening in here.”
Sirius waves a hand in the direction of his parents but they aren’t looking. “I’ll get in trouble. My mother will get angry.”
James grins again. “Isn’t that the point?” He ducks away before Sirius can reply and slips out into the front hall. Sirius stands irresolute for a moment. His parents will get awfully angry if he runs away from the party and he will surely be punished but then some small part of him says, So? Parents aren’t always right. His parents aren’t always right.
He follows the path James took through the room and manages to reach the front hall without being stopped. His parents are still schmoozing with the other guests and don’t notice his departure. The front door is open and he can see the soft white fall of snow beyond it. He steps out into the cold, clean night and shuts the door behind him.
A rough shout fills the air and Sirius ducks without thinking, a snowball hitting the space where his head had just been. He hears James laugh and the sound of running across snow. He wastes no time at all in scooping up a pile of his own snow and lobbing it back at James. The other boy doesn’t move quite quickly enough and the ball of snow connects solidly with his head.
Sirius bursts out in laughter as James goes sprawling in the snow, glasses askew and a wild burst of exhilaration at escaping the party fills him.
“Are we having fun yet?” he shouts back at James and scoops together another snowball.
+++
The Great Hall is warm after the chilly winds of the journey across the lake and James sticks his hands in the pockets of his Hogwarts robe with relief.
The Sorting Hat has just finished its welcoming song and the rest of the students are looking at the new group of first years with interest but James ignores them. The ceiling above him is swirling with dark rippling clouds and the stands of candles around the room causes all sorts of lighting to flicker and flare. His parents had told him stories about Hogwarts but their words can’t compare to the magical reality of the castle.
“Would you stop fidgeting?” he hisses at Sirius who is standing beside him and hadn’t stopped moving since they stepped off the train.
Sirius just glares at him and goes back to flicking his fingers with his other hand.
“Just what the hell is your problem?” James asks a little too loudly because a girl with red hair turns around and shushes him.
He sticks his tongue out in a reflex action but when he repeats his question his voice is a little quieter.
“I am going to be sorted into Slytherin,” Sirius whispers.
“So?”
“Slytherin is where my family always gets sorted. It’s where all the bad wizards come from.”
“But no one knows what house they get sorted into until they get sorted,” James reasons, not quite having the patience to deal with his almost-friend’s fear when there is so many amazing things to look at.
“But I’m a Black and all the Blacks go to Slytherin.” Sirius starts tapping his foot against the stone floor.
“Well maybe you’ll be different and sorted elsewhere,” James says and when Sirius looks incredulously at him he adds, “Well it’s either that or Slytherin but either way will you bloody stop tapping your foot because the fun has barely started and I don’t need you to-”
“BLACK?” a voice calls out and James abruptly closes his mouth.
“Sirius Black?” the voice repeats and James peers to the side to see a stern looking professor waiting at the front of the hall.
He nudges Sirius. “Time to go.”
“Huh?”
James pushes Sirius and the other boy finally realises he is supposed to be moving towards the front. James laughs inwardly when the professor mutters a few words of admonishment to Sirius, as he sits down upon the chair and the Sorting Hat is placed on his head.
A few minutes pass and James can see Sirius is getting impatient when all of a sudden the hat shouts forth, “GRYFFINDOR!”
Sirius doesn’t move, a shocked expression on his face but the stern professor removes the hat and gestures him toward the Gryffindor table. The boy still has the disbelieving expression on his face when he disappears from James’ view.
After a time, James’ own name is called and he half runs up to the stool to plonk himself down. The Hat barely touches his head before the house Gryffindor is called out and he joyfully runs to join Sirius.
There is still the shocked look on his face but there is a spark of something else in his eyes and he turns a half smile in James direction.
“I’m not a Slytherin,” he says and James laughs, clapping him on the back.
“No, no you are not,” he replies then grins. “Now, are we having fun yet?”
+++
“Be quiet. They’ll hear you,” James’ hisses and presses his eye against the crack the barely open door made.
Sirius makes a noise that sounds embarrassingly like a giggle and elbows James in the ribs before taking his place behind the door. “This is going to be great!” he laughs quietly.
James glares, even though Sirius can’t see it and rubs his side. “Do you think you can keep yourself contained until it actually happens?”
Sirius just gives him a manic grin with far too much teeth and James wonders, not for the first time, whether corrupting the first born son of one of the oldest pureblood families was such a wise move but then he hears the mutter of voices beyond the door and just thinking of what they have planned is enough to dispel any doubt. Besides, it’s not like Sirius was innocent to begin with.
The voices get closer and now James can discern the individual voices of both Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore. James had initially expressed doubt as to whether they would be the best targets considering the superior rank they held in the boy’s lives but as Sirius pointed out, one must always aim high.
“This is going to be great,” Sirius gleefully repeats, almost jumping up and down on the spot and James pushes his way back to the gap between the door and the frame to see a flash and swirl of robes.
“Just absolutely brilliant,” Sirius whispers in his ear. “Stupendous, absolutely-”
There is the murmur of Latin and the sound of what sounds suspiciously like a disarming spell before the cupboard doors are pulled open and both the boys tumble out at the feet of Professor McGonagall. She is staring blandly down at the two of them while Dumbledore is smiling serenely in the background. James and Sirius exchange a glance and realise the inevitable. There isn’t even any point to try and get out of this one.
“Hi,” Sirius says with a wide grin and bright eyes before giving a little wave. James hides his head in his hands because while they may not be able to evade punishment they don’t have to look like idiots.
A series of noises go off in the background. A round of pops and whistles and a burst of confetti shoot out from behind the teachers and a stilted chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ and some high pitched music played at twice the normal speed complete the show before everything warbles into one sound and drowns itself out with a garble and a waft of pink smoke.
Dumbledore sighs. “A pity, Minerva,” he says mournfully. “I do believe the boys had organised an excellent birthday celebration for you.”
McGonagall purses her lips. “A celebration that no doubt would be highly uncomfortable for me and was bound to result in several rounds of detention.”
Dumbledore laughs. “Ah, ‘tis only the fun youths of today get up to.”
Professor McGonagall turns back to the so called youths and raises an eyebrow. “Are we having fun yet?” she asks and it’s a good ten minutes before both of them have stopped laughing enough to hear what detention they have received.
+++
The dormitory for a change was filled with tension and James doesn’t have to say a thing for Sirius to know how angry he is.
“How… how could you do that? To Moony, of all people!” James’ words are tight and controlled and Sirius realises just how angry he actually is.
He hangs his head. “I don’t know,” he mumbles. “It was an accident.”
James slams his hand against the wall. “An accident? A fucking accident? Snape nearly got killed and I don’t care how much you hate him. And Remus… Remus nearly became a murderer.”
Sirius mumbles again but this time it’s too low to hear.
“I’m sorry,” James snaps and Sirius actually cringes. “I didn’t quite catch that.”
“I didn’t mean for it to go so far. I was just… It was just…”
“What?” James’ spreads his hands. “You were bored? Revenge? What? Tell me. Was it just for a bit of fun, huh?”
Sirius looks stricken. “No, I…”
James’ voice is cold and emotionless when he asks, “Are we having fun yet?”
+++
“You look trustworthy,” Sirius whispers.
James’ shoots him a glare and bats his head away from where Sirius tries to fiddle with his hair. “Shut up, I don’t need your distractions.”
Sirius laughs. “No really. I’m impressed.”
“I said shut up. I need to practice my speech.” James turns back to the speech cards in his hands and begins to go over his words again.
Sirius snorts. “Since when do you need prompt cards.”
“Since I don’t want to stuff this up, so get the hell out of here. Lily should be finishing her speech soon and you should have been out there listening.”
Sirius waves a hand. “All she is saying is how hard we’ve worked and how we will be rewarded and how helpful the professors were and all that. Good speech but well, boring.”
“Hey,” James flares. “Don’t insult her.”
“I said it was a good speech, didn’t I?” Sirius says. “I just never said it was a great speech. Great speeches are spontaneous.”
Considering the number of years the two of them had been friends James should have seen it coming but he was nervous enough to begin with and his reflexes were just slow enough to allow Sirius to snatch the speech cards out of his hands and run out of the room.
James stands there for a minute, eyes wide and blinking behind his glasses before he hears Lily call out, “Presenting the Head Boy for 1978, James Potter.”
“Shit,” James whispers to himself and walks slowly out the door, cursing Sirius’ name under his breath. The entire school is looking at him as he takes his place in front of the staff table. He catches Sirius’ laughing grin in the crowd and frowns slightly but then he sees Lily's encouraging grin and realises he can’t remember an absolute word of his speech despite the hours he spent practising and also realises this was Sirius’ intention all along. He was going to have to wing it.
“Well then,” he says and hears his voice echo from the Sonorous charm. “Here we all are, at the end of another year. For some it being the end of their last year here. Ever.” He catches Lily’s frown out of the corner of his eye. They had read over each other’s speeches the night before and he’s sure she’s wondering what the hell he was doing. “I actually had a proper speech planned but well, let’s just say the dog ate it,” he says dryly and sees Remus give a questioning glance at Sirius but Sirius merely shakes his head and grins.
James sighs, does what he does best and improvises. “If you had told me at the end of last school year that I would be standing here today, Head Boy, I would have laughed my arse off and then probably hexed you. I’ll admit that I wasn’t the best kind of person. I was a trouble maker, in fact, I was probably worse. I have done things that I am not proud of.” He avoids looking at Snape. “And I have done things that I am proud of yet they will sadly remain unknown because I don’t think I would be allowed to graduate if anyone found out.” He avoids looking at the professors behind him. “If it were up to me I would never have made me Head Boy, never in a million years. Seriously, I would have eaten my own sock rather than appoint me but someone out there was out of their mind enough to appoint me and one year later here I am. I would like to say that I did a good job but I’m not really sure if I did. I would like to say that I made a difference but I don’t really know whether it would be good or bad.” He frowns. “And I know this isn’t really putting me in a good light but like I said, a dog ate my speech so I am making this up as I go along. I may not have been the best option for Head Boy but I did my best and really that is what life is about. You are presented with an opportunity and you do your best. You might succeed, you might fail, hell you might screw up major but at least you tried and if you fail then at least you gave it your best shot but…” He pauses. “Well, actually you still failed so that kinda sucks.”
He stands there for a moment thinking, nearly moving his hand to ruff up his hair before he catches himself. He looks up and sees the entire body of students staring back at him. Some are laughing at him, some are bored and some look like they don’t know what to think.
He sighs. “Well my point is, this speech is going to suck because like I said, a dog ate it and trying to improvise when half of you is trying to impress the teachers just to show that you are not a complete disappointment after all and the other half just wants to run around and scream, completely negating the probability of the chance the first half has is actually quiet exhausting. So was that sentence. But my point is.” He takes a deep breath and hears someone yell "Get on with it, Potter" in the audience. He thinks it was Sirius.
“But my point is,” James says again more firmly and smiles because now he has thought of an actual point.” But my point is, that what you were not capable of yesterday, you may in fact be capable of today so just because you’re scared or doubt yourself, that is no reason not to try. Look around my friends, this is who we are and tomorrow is just around the corner. The entire world is out there and we can do anything.
“To the class of ‘78,” he proclaims and raises a hand, completely forgetting he isn’t actually holding a glass in it. “We are going to be brilliant and we, my friends, are going to rule the world.”
He ends his speech with a huge grin and after a moment and some slight prompting by his friends, the hall erupts into cheers and Lily throws her arms around his neck.
“You idiot,” she whispers and kisses his cheek.
He sees Remus and Peter yell out and throw their hats into the air and Sirius’ mouth move in that familiar phrase.
“ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?”
+++
“No, dammit, the towels go in the cupboard.”
Sirius pauses from where he is about to stash said towels in a cupboard and stares at his best friend. “What the hell do you think I’m doing?”
James groans. “Not that cupboard. They are supposed to go in the linen cupboard.”
Sirius looks even more confused. “We have a linen cupboard?” He looks around. “Where is it?”
James blinks and looks around as well. “I am not quite sure but Lily said we did. Somewhere.”
They both look around the room a bit more before Sirius gives up and shoves the extra towels where he originally intended before James could interrupt. “When you find the linen closet let me know,” he says, “but in the meantime the blasted things can stay here. At least we know where to find them.”
James sighs. “Unpacking shouldn’t be this hard.”
Sirius just grunts. “I thought you said that living away from parents and teachers was going to be fun.”
James just glares and goes back to sorting out the boxes of their possessions but later that night when both Remus and Peter drop round for an unofficial housewarming and they are all on their way to becoming utterly smashed, James leans back and manages to tap Sirius’ shoulder on the third try. His grin is lopsided and words slurred but Sirius is too drunk and happy himself to notice.
“Are we having fun yet?” James asks, glasses glinting in the lamplight and both of them fall over laughing.
+++
“And you know something, Lily my dear, at first I hated you.”
Sirius’ words are slightly garbled and the wedding guests are looking uncomfortable but no one has stopped him yet. There is a slight tension on James’ face but he hasn’t moved yet either. He knows his best friend has a point to all this but if Sirius’ best man speech doesn’t improve soon there is going to be trouble and from the look on his wife’s face he doesn’t know if he could hold Lily back enough to give Sirius time to get away.
“Absolutely despised your guts, you know,” Sirius continues, “because you had to go and take my best friend away from me, took him away without an apology or anything. Just stole him right out of my life. The man who was more than a brother to me, the man who was there for me more times than I could count and the man that I didn’t really deserve as a best friend.”
Sirius sighs and takes another swallow of his drink. “But you know what, Evans, I look at him now and I look at you and then I see him look at you. I see the way he looks at you and the way you look back at him and that’s when I realise that I can’t help but bloody love you girl because you make him happy. You make him so bloody happy, you make him absolutely delirious and that’s something I could never do.”
He downs the rest of the glass then holds his glass high and grins. “So here’s to the newlyweds, to Prongs and Evans. May Eostre bless your lives and Branwyn bless your love. Cheers!”
There’s a brief pause but then the crowd erupts into cheers and Sirius stumbles off the stage. Lily is smiling reluctantly and he sees James move forward to steady him.
“Risky speech there, mate,” James says. “There was a brief moment there when I thought Lily was going to kill you.
Sirius laughs. “Ah, she loves me.”
“She loves me,” James shoots back with a mock glare and Sirius laughs again.
“That she does, mate,” he says slinging an arm around the groom’s shoulders. “That she does. So how does it feel to be married, old boy?”
James shakes his head and smiles. “I can’t even begin to explain it. It’s… It’s…”
Sirius interrupts as he snags another drink off a nearby table. “Are we having fun yet?”
+++
There has only been one time in Sirius’ life when he has been rendered speechless and this it.
There is a tiny body in his hands, a tiny head with wide green eyes that track his every movement. It has ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes that wave and curl around the blanket that it is wrapped up in and Sirius has never seen something so amazing in his entire life.
“How’s Lily?” Remus asks quietly from above his shoulder.
“Fine, absolutely fine,” James says and it’s hard not to notice the utter joy that’s in his voice. “Just needs to rest.”
“It’s amazing,” Peter says, a hesitant smile on his face.
“He’s amazing,” James corrects. “Gonna name him Harry,” he adds with a grin.
“Harry,” Sirius whispers, smoothing a wide thumb over baby Harry’s forehead. Sirius looks up and sees the almost overwhelming pride in James’ eyes. “This is amazing,” he says. “You’re amazing,” he tells his best friend because somehow, he doesn’t think any other words would cover it.
James’ grin gets even wider and the noise of the maternity ward drains out in the background. This is a moment to be cherished, Sirius thinks, because the thought that the two of them could get to this point, one married and a father, the other a godfather and not in jail is astonishing. James was right when he said they were going to rule the world.
James places a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and looks down to where Harry is kicking and gurgling. He then glances back up to Sirius’ half stunned face.
“Well then godfather,” he says. “Are we having fun yet?”
+++
James is staring out the window. The sky is overcast and everything outside looks lifeless. There is a scrap of newspaper tumbling down the street but when it gets trapped in a gutter he looks away.
“We need to make a decision,” he says.
Sirius doesn’t say anything at all, merely buries his head in his hands. His hair tumbles over his knuckles. It’s longer than he’s used to but he hasn’t exactly had time lately for a haircut and he likes it longer. The darkness suits his mood.
“The charm has to be performed tonight,” James goes on. “We can’t wait any longer.”
“I know,” Sirius whispers but doesn’t say anything else.
James sighs, swallows then walks over and drops himself beside Sirius on the couch. He slings an arm around his friend but it comforts neither of them.
They sit in silence for a while then Sirius stirs and says quietly, “Peter. It has to be Peter.”
James just looks at him for a long moment then nods and stands. Sirius follows rather shakily and watches as James goes and lights a fire. When the fire is crackling happily away, he moves to where Harry is sleeping peacefully in his cot and kisses his tiny forehead. He would tell his godson goodbye but Sirius doesn’t want to say a thing like that in case it comes true.
James doesn’t look at him as Sirius takes a handful of Floo powder and throws it in the fire but in the green flare of the flames their eyes meet and each knows the exact phrase, however inappropriate, that is running through their heads.
+++
James can hear Harry crying in the other room over the quiet sounds of Lily trying to sooth him. He has Sirius’ crumpled letter in his hands.
Hope you and Lily and little Harry are safe. Well, actually that’s a stupid thing to say since I know you know that but I don’t really know what else to say.
Peter had brought the envelope by yesterday by Floo but James’ hadn’t worked up the courage to read it yet.
I miss you guys like crazy. I think I am going mad here without you. Remus is… well, I don’t know what the hell Remus is doing. And I barely see Pete now as well. Really sucks to be alone, you know.
James sits in silence, the flickering of the fire casting strange shadows across the walls. His family have been under the Fidelius charm for a whole week now and he still doesn’t feel safe. It hurts how much he misses his friends, how much he misses Sirius. He doesn’t know if he can survive this war without them. He remembers thinking at the end of school that no matter how bleak the world could be as long as they had each other they could face anything.
Dumbledore says he still doesn’t know who the spy is. Whoever they are, they’re bloody good but don’t worry mate, we’ll get them.
It’s nauseating the thought that someone among them is working for the other side. That someone could betray them so easily, could force his wife and his child to run and hide. His fingers clench at having to stay here, stay hidden. He longs for something to strike at, an enemy to attack instead of just waiting here.
I hate this. I hate just waiting here. I hate you hiding and I hate this whole bloody war. I just want everything to be over, for this war to end and everything to go back to the way things were. But I’m terrified that that’s never going to happen.
Harry’s finally calmed down now and the night seems disconcerting now that there’s no noise. It’s easier to imagine attackers around every corner and he nearly whips out his wand when Lily walks back into the room.
“He’s finally asleep,” she says with a sigh and James nods then stands.
“Come here,” he whispers and Lily flows into his arms, tucking her head underneath his chin and locking her hands tightly around his back.
“I’m scared, James,” she says against his chest.
James stands there, breathing in the scent of her hair and kisses her forehead that’s marred with worry lines.
“So am I,” he replies.
There’s a noise outside, the crunch of twigs and dead leaves and a sudden dread permeates the house. The fire flickers and dies.
Lily pulls away, eyes wide and searching and all of a sudden James knows who has come. He pushes Lily away, tells her to take Harry and run. A strange kind of exhilaration is filling him. He has a plan of action now, something to do and he nearly laughs. He's terrified but that’s okay because he knows what is coming before him and he can fight it. He throws the letter into the glowing embers of the fire and draws his wand, one last sentence visible before the parchment burns away and the front door breaks down.
Are we having fun yet?
Author:
mithborienWord Count: 4923
Rating: PG-13 for language
Characters: James and Sirius
Note: This is probably woefully unbalanced and disjointed but well, that kinda describes these boys so it kinda makes sense. Though any concrit is appreciated. Written for
jamie2109 AWDT prompt.The house is covered in ice white ribbons and deep green branches dusted with fake snow.
Sirius had tried to shake the snow off onto the expensive rug in the living room but his mother caught him and sent him to his room with the admonishment to stay out of the way until the guests arrived, at which point he was to come downstairs and behave like a good son of the House of Black.
It has just started to snow for real and Sirius stares out the window morosely, fiddling with the high starched collar of his dress robe. He wonders how long he can push staying up here after the guests arrive until his mother gets angry and drags him downstairs.
The front door slams and he hears the murmurs of some more guests and the high laughter of ladies who are only here so his mother can insult them behind their backs.
He sighs and spares one last glance out the window before making his way slowly down the stairs. He could stay in his room, hide when his mother comes looking but it isn’t worth it to make her angry. Her punishments never fail to be most efficient.
His mother barely notices when he slips into the main ballroom of Grimmauld Place, the ceiling high with glittering chandeliers floating around the edges. There is a table of hors d’oeuvres off to the side and house elves serving wine mingling through the centre of the room. One of Sirius’ uncles notices him and gives a wave which Sirius returns before sneaking a handful of food and retreating to a corner to wait out the night.
His little brother is no doubt following his father around. Their family’s latest pride and joy since Sirius has disappointed the Black family so badly. He doesn’t even know what he did wrong to deserve his mother’s ire. He just doesn’t like being told what to do.
“Bored too, huh?” a voice says at his elbow and Sirius turns to see a messy haired boy about his own age staring out at the gathering with a wary expression on his face.
“Who the hell are you?” Sirius blurts out because after all, he highly doubts anyone decent is going to be at one of his mother’s parties and with his luck this boy is probably some snotty nosed son of some pureblood witch who would only get him in trouble.
The other boy raises an eyebrow. “James Potter, who the hell are you?”
Sirius blinks. “Sirius Black,” he replies slowly then adds thoughtfully. “Potter… Your parents are that lot who sympathise with Muggles, aren’t they? Why are they even here?”
James grins and shrugs. “Keeping up appearances? Scouting out the enemy? Who knows?” He glances out a nearby window, sniffs and wipes his noise with his sleeve. “It’s started to snow. Wanna go outside? It’s not like anything fun is happening in here.”
Sirius waves a hand in the direction of his parents but they aren’t looking. “I’ll get in trouble. My mother will get angry.”
James grins again. “Isn’t that the point?” He ducks away before Sirius can reply and slips out into the front hall. Sirius stands irresolute for a moment. His parents will get awfully angry if he runs away from the party and he will surely be punished but then some small part of him says, So? Parents aren’t always right. His parents aren’t always right.
He follows the path James took through the room and manages to reach the front hall without being stopped. His parents are still schmoozing with the other guests and don’t notice his departure. The front door is open and he can see the soft white fall of snow beyond it. He steps out into the cold, clean night and shuts the door behind him.
A rough shout fills the air and Sirius ducks without thinking, a snowball hitting the space where his head had just been. He hears James laugh and the sound of running across snow. He wastes no time at all in scooping up a pile of his own snow and lobbing it back at James. The other boy doesn’t move quite quickly enough and the ball of snow connects solidly with his head.
Sirius bursts out in laughter as James goes sprawling in the snow, glasses askew and a wild burst of exhilaration at escaping the party fills him.
“Are we having fun yet?” he shouts back at James and scoops together another snowball.
The Great Hall is warm after the chilly winds of the journey across the lake and James sticks his hands in the pockets of his Hogwarts robe with relief.
The Sorting Hat has just finished its welcoming song and the rest of the students are looking at the new group of first years with interest but James ignores them. The ceiling above him is swirling with dark rippling clouds and the stands of candles around the room causes all sorts of lighting to flicker and flare. His parents had told him stories about Hogwarts but their words can’t compare to the magical reality of the castle.
“Would you stop fidgeting?” he hisses at Sirius who is standing beside him and hadn’t stopped moving since they stepped off the train.
Sirius just glares at him and goes back to flicking his fingers with his other hand.
“Just what the hell is your problem?” James asks a little too loudly because a girl with red hair turns around and shushes him.
He sticks his tongue out in a reflex action but when he repeats his question his voice is a little quieter.
“I am going to be sorted into Slytherin,” Sirius whispers.
“So?”
“Slytherin is where my family always gets sorted. It’s where all the bad wizards come from.”
“But no one knows what house they get sorted into until they get sorted,” James reasons, not quite having the patience to deal with his almost-friend’s fear when there is so many amazing things to look at.
“But I’m a Black and all the Blacks go to Slytherin.” Sirius starts tapping his foot against the stone floor.
“Well maybe you’ll be different and sorted elsewhere,” James says and when Sirius looks incredulously at him he adds, “Well it’s either that or Slytherin but either way will you bloody stop tapping your foot because the fun has barely started and I don’t need you to-”
“BLACK?” a voice calls out and James abruptly closes his mouth.
“Sirius Black?” the voice repeats and James peers to the side to see a stern looking professor waiting at the front of the hall.
He nudges Sirius. “Time to go.”
“Huh?”
James pushes Sirius and the other boy finally realises he is supposed to be moving towards the front. James laughs inwardly when the professor mutters a few words of admonishment to Sirius, as he sits down upon the chair and the Sorting Hat is placed on his head.
A few minutes pass and James can see Sirius is getting impatient when all of a sudden the hat shouts forth, “GRYFFINDOR!”
Sirius doesn’t move, a shocked expression on his face but the stern professor removes the hat and gestures him toward the Gryffindor table. The boy still has the disbelieving expression on his face when he disappears from James’ view.
After a time, James’ own name is called and he half runs up to the stool to plonk himself down. The Hat barely touches his head before the house Gryffindor is called out and he joyfully runs to join Sirius.
There is still the shocked look on his face but there is a spark of something else in his eyes and he turns a half smile in James direction.
“I’m not a Slytherin,” he says and James laughs, clapping him on the back.
“No, no you are not,” he replies then grins. “Now, are we having fun yet?”
“Be quiet. They’ll hear you,” James’ hisses and presses his eye against the crack the barely open door made.
Sirius makes a noise that sounds embarrassingly like a giggle and elbows James in the ribs before taking his place behind the door. “This is going to be great!” he laughs quietly.
James glares, even though Sirius can’t see it and rubs his side. “Do you think you can keep yourself contained until it actually happens?”
Sirius just gives him a manic grin with far too much teeth and James wonders, not for the first time, whether corrupting the first born son of one of the oldest pureblood families was such a wise move but then he hears the mutter of voices beyond the door and just thinking of what they have planned is enough to dispel any doubt. Besides, it’s not like Sirius was innocent to begin with.
The voices get closer and now James can discern the individual voices of both Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore. James had initially expressed doubt as to whether they would be the best targets considering the superior rank they held in the boy’s lives but as Sirius pointed out, one must always aim high.
“This is going to be great,” Sirius gleefully repeats, almost jumping up and down on the spot and James pushes his way back to the gap between the door and the frame to see a flash and swirl of robes.
“Just absolutely brilliant,” Sirius whispers in his ear. “Stupendous, absolutely-”
There is the murmur of Latin and the sound of what sounds suspiciously like a disarming spell before the cupboard doors are pulled open and both the boys tumble out at the feet of Professor McGonagall. She is staring blandly down at the two of them while Dumbledore is smiling serenely in the background. James and Sirius exchange a glance and realise the inevitable. There isn’t even any point to try and get out of this one.
“Hi,” Sirius says with a wide grin and bright eyes before giving a little wave. James hides his head in his hands because while they may not be able to evade punishment they don’t have to look like idiots.
A series of noises go off in the background. A round of pops and whistles and a burst of confetti shoot out from behind the teachers and a stilted chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ and some high pitched music played at twice the normal speed complete the show before everything warbles into one sound and drowns itself out with a garble and a waft of pink smoke.
Dumbledore sighs. “A pity, Minerva,” he says mournfully. “I do believe the boys had organised an excellent birthday celebration for you.”
McGonagall purses her lips. “A celebration that no doubt would be highly uncomfortable for me and was bound to result in several rounds of detention.”
Dumbledore laughs. “Ah, ‘tis only the fun youths of today get up to.”
Professor McGonagall turns back to the so called youths and raises an eyebrow. “Are we having fun yet?” she asks and it’s a good ten minutes before both of them have stopped laughing enough to hear what detention they have received.
The dormitory for a change was filled with tension and James doesn’t have to say a thing for Sirius to know how angry he is.
“How… how could you do that? To Moony, of all people!” James’ words are tight and controlled and Sirius realises just how angry he actually is.
He hangs his head. “I don’t know,” he mumbles. “It was an accident.”
James slams his hand against the wall. “An accident? A fucking accident? Snape nearly got killed and I don’t care how much you hate him. And Remus… Remus nearly became a murderer.”
Sirius mumbles again but this time it’s too low to hear.
“I’m sorry,” James snaps and Sirius actually cringes. “I didn’t quite catch that.”
“I didn’t mean for it to go so far. I was just… It was just…”
“What?” James’ spreads his hands. “You were bored? Revenge? What? Tell me. Was it just for a bit of fun, huh?”
Sirius looks stricken. “No, I…”
James’ voice is cold and emotionless when he asks, “Are we having fun yet?”
“You look trustworthy,” Sirius whispers.
James’ shoots him a glare and bats his head away from where Sirius tries to fiddle with his hair. “Shut up, I don’t need your distractions.”
Sirius laughs. “No really. I’m impressed.”
“I said shut up. I need to practice my speech.” James turns back to the speech cards in his hands and begins to go over his words again.
Sirius snorts. “Since when do you need prompt cards.”
“Since I don’t want to stuff this up, so get the hell out of here. Lily should be finishing her speech soon and you should have been out there listening.”
Sirius waves a hand. “All she is saying is how hard we’ve worked and how we will be rewarded and how helpful the professors were and all that. Good speech but well, boring.”
“Hey,” James flares. “Don’t insult her.”
“I said it was a good speech, didn’t I?” Sirius says. “I just never said it was a great speech. Great speeches are spontaneous.”
Considering the number of years the two of them had been friends James should have seen it coming but he was nervous enough to begin with and his reflexes were just slow enough to allow Sirius to snatch the speech cards out of his hands and run out of the room.
James stands there for a minute, eyes wide and blinking behind his glasses before he hears Lily call out, “Presenting the Head Boy for 1978, James Potter.”
“Shit,” James whispers to himself and walks slowly out the door, cursing Sirius’ name under his breath. The entire school is looking at him as he takes his place in front of the staff table. He catches Sirius’ laughing grin in the crowd and frowns slightly but then he sees Lily's encouraging grin and realises he can’t remember an absolute word of his speech despite the hours he spent practising and also realises this was Sirius’ intention all along. He was going to have to wing it.
“Well then,” he says and hears his voice echo from the Sonorous charm. “Here we all are, at the end of another year. For some it being the end of their last year here. Ever.” He catches Lily’s frown out of the corner of his eye. They had read over each other’s speeches the night before and he’s sure she’s wondering what the hell he was doing. “I actually had a proper speech planned but well, let’s just say the dog ate it,” he says dryly and sees Remus give a questioning glance at Sirius but Sirius merely shakes his head and grins.
James sighs, does what he does best and improvises. “If you had told me at the end of last school year that I would be standing here today, Head Boy, I would have laughed my arse off and then probably hexed you. I’ll admit that I wasn’t the best kind of person. I was a trouble maker, in fact, I was probably worse. I have done things that I am not proud of.” He avoids looking at Snape. “And I have done things that I am proud of yet they will sadly remain unknown because I don’t think I would be allowed to graduate if anyone found out.” He avoids looking at the professors behind him. “If it were up to me I would never have made me Head Boy, never in a million years. Seriously, I would have eaten my own sock rather than appoint me but someone out there was out of their mind enough to appoint me and one year later here I am. I would like to say that I did a good job but I’m not really sure if I did. I would like to say that I made a difference but I don’t really know whether it would be good or bad.” He frowns. “And I know this isn’t really putting me in a good light but like I said, a dog ate my speech so I am making this up as I go along. I may not have been the best option for Head Boy but I did my best and really that is what life is about. You are presented with an opportunity and you do your best. You might succeed, you might fail, hell you might screw up major but at least you tried and if you fail then at least you gave it your best shot but…” He pauses. “Well, actually you still failed so that kinda sucks.”
He stands there for a moment thinking, nearly moving his hand to ruff up his hair before he catches himself. He looks up and sees the entire body of students staring back at him. Some are laughing at him, some are bored and some look like they don’t know what to think.
He sighs. “Well my point is, this speech is going to suck because like I said, a dog ate it and trying to improvise when half of you is trying to impress the teachers just to show that you are not a complete disappointment after all and the other half just wants to run around and scream, completely negating the probability of the chance the first half has is actually quiet exhausting. So was that sentence. But my point is.” He takes a deep breath and hears someone yell "Get on with it, Potter" in the audience. He thinks it was Sirius.
“But my point is,” James says again more firmly and smiles because now he has thought of an actual point.” But my point is, that what you were not capable of yesterday, you may in fact be capable of today so just because you’re scared or doubt yourself, that is no reason not to try. Look around my friends, this is who we are and tomorrow is just around the corner. The entire world is out there and we can do anything.
“To the class of ‘78,” he proclaims and raises a hand, completely forgetting he isn’t actually holding a glass in it. “We are going to be brilliant and we, my friends, are going to rule the world.”
He ends his speech with a huge grin and after a moment and some slight prompting by his friends, the hall erupts into cheers and Lily throws her arms around his neck.
“You idiot,” she whispers and kisses his cheek.
He sees Remus and Peter yell out and throw their hats into the air and Sirius’ mouth move in that familiar phrase.
“ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?”
“No, dammit, the towels go in the cupboard.”
Sirius pauses from where he is about to stash said towels in a cupboard and stares at his best friend. “What the hell do you think I’m doing?”
James groans. “Not that cupboard. They are supposed to go in the linen cupboard.”
Sirius looks even more confused. “We have a linen cupboard?” He looks around. “Where is it?”
James blinks and looks around as well. “I am not quite sure but Lily said we did. Somewhere.”
They both look around the room a bit more before Sirius gives up and shoves the extra towels where he originally intended before James could interrupt. “When you find the linen closet let me know,” he says, “but in the meantime the blasted things can stay here. At least we know where to find them.”
James sighs. “Unpacking shouldn’t be this hard.”
Sirius just grunts. “I thought you said that living away from parents and teachers was going to be fun.”
James just glares and goes back to sorting out the boxes of their possessions but later that night when both Remus and Peter drop round for an unofficial housewarming and they are all on their way to becoming utterly smashed, James leans back and manages to tap Sirius’ shoulder on the third try. His grin is lopsided and words slurred but Sirius is too drunk and happy himself to notice.
“Are we having fun yet?” James asks, glasses glinting in the lamplight and both of them fall over laughing.
“And you know something, Lily my dear, at first I hated you.”
Sirius’ words are slightly garbled and the wedding guests are looking uncomfortable but no one has stopped him yet. There is a slight tension on James’ face but he hasn’t moved yet either. He knows his best friend has a point to all this but if Sirius’ best man speech doesn’t improve soon there is going to be trouble and from the look on his wife’s face he doesn’t know if he could hold Lily back enough to give Sirius time to get away.
“Absolutely despised your guts, you know,” Sirius continues, “because you had to go and take my best friend away from me, took him away without an apology or anything. Just stole him right out of my life. The man who was more than a brother to me, the man who was there for me more times than I could count and the man that I didn’t really deserve as a best friend.”
Sirius sighs and takes another swallow of his drink. “But you know what, Evans, I look at him now and I look at you and then I see him look at you. I see the way he looks at you and the way you look back at him and that’s when I realise that I can’t help but bloody love you girl because you make him happy. You make him so bloody happy, you make him absolutely delirious and that’s something I could never do.”
He downs the rest of the glass then holds his glass high and grins. “So here’s to the newlyweds, to Prongs and Evans. May Eostre bless your lives and Branwyn bless your love. Cheers!”
There’s a brief pause but then the crowd erupts into cheers and Sirius stumbles off the stage. Lily is smiling reluctantly and he sees James move forward to steady him.
“Risky speech there, mate,” James says. “There was a brief moment there when I thought Lily was going to kill you.
Sirius laughs. “Ah, she loves me.”
“She loves me,” James shoots back with a mock glare and Sirius laughs again.
“That she does, mate,” he says slinging an arm around the groom’s shoulders. “That she does. So how does it feel to be married, old boy?”
James shakes his head and smiles. “I can’t even begin to explain it. It’s… It’s…”
Sirius interrupts as he snags another drink off a nearby table. “Are we having fun yet?”
There has only been one time in Sirius’ life when he has been rendered speechless and this it.
There is a tiny body in his hands, a tiny head with wide green eyes that track his every movement. It has ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes that wave and curl around the blanket that it is wrapped up in and Sirius has never seen something so amazing in his entire life.
“How’s Lily?” Remus asks quietly from above his shoulder.
“Fine, absolutely fine,” James says and it’s hard not to notice the utter joy that’s in his voice. “Just needs to rest.”
“It’s amazing,” Peter says, a hesitant smile on his face.
“He’s amazing,” James corrects. “Gonna name him Harry,” he adds with a grin.
“Harry,” Sirius whispers, smoothing a wide thumb over baby Harry’s forehead. Sirius looks up and sees the almost overwhelming pride in James’ eyes. “This is amazing,” he says. “You’re amazing,” he tells his best friend because somehow, he doesn’t think any other words would cover it.
James’ grin gets even wider and the noise of the maternity ward drains out in the background. This is a moment to be cherished, Sirius thinks, because the thought that the two of them could get to this point, one married and a father, the other a godfather and not in jail is astonishing. James was right when he said they were going to rule the world.
James places a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and looks down to where Harry is kicking and gurgling. He then glances back up to Sirius’ half stunned face.
“Well then godfather,” he says. “Are we having fun yet?”
James is staring out the window. The sky is overcast and everything outside looks lifeless. There is a scrap of newspaper tumbling down the street but when it gets trapped in a gutter he looks away.
“We need to make a decision,” he says.
Sirius doesn’t say anything at all, merely buries his head in his hands. His hair tumbles over his knuckles. It’s longer than he’s used to but he hasn’t exactly had time lately for a haircut and he likes it longer. The darkness suits his mood.
“The charm has to be performed tonight,” James goes on. “We can’t wait any longer.”
“I know,” Sirius whispers but doesn’t say anything else.
James sighs, swallows then walks over and drops himself beside Sirius on the couch. He slings an arm around his friend but it comforts neither of them.
They sit in silence for a while then Sirius stirs and says quietly, “Peter. It has to be Peter.”
James just looks at him for a long moment then nods and stands. Sirius follows rather shakily and watches as James goes and lights a fire. When the fire is crackling happily away, he moves to where Harry is sleeping peacefully in his cot and kisses his tiny forehead. He would tell his godson goodbye but Sirius doesn’t want to say a thing like that in case it comes true.
James doesn’t look at him as Sirius takes a handful of Floo powder and throws it in the fire but in the green flare of the flames their eyes meet and each knows the exact phrase, however inappropriate, that is running through their heads.
James can hear Harry crying in the other room over the quiet sounds of Lily trying to sooth him. He has Sirius’ crumpled letter in his hands.
Hope you and Lily and little Harry are safe. Well, actually that’s a stupid thing to say since I know you know that but I don’t really know what else to say.
Peter had brought the envelope by yesterday by Floo but James’ hadn’t worked up the courage to read it yet.
I miss you guys like crazy. I think I am going mad here without you. Remus is… well, I don’t know what the hell Remus is doing. And I barely see Pete now as well. Really sucks to be alone, you know.
James sits in silence, the flickering of the fire casting strange shadows across the walls. His family have been under the Fidelius charm for a whole week now and he still doesn’t feel safe. It hurts how much he misses his friends, how much he misses Sirius. He doesn’t know if he can survive this war without them. He remembers thinking at the end of school that no matter how bleak the world could be as long as they had each other they could face anything.
Dumbledore says he still doesn’t know who the spy is. Whoever they are, they’re bloody good but don’t worry mate, we’ll get them.
It’s nauseating the thought that someone among them is working for the other side. That someone could betray them so easily, could force his wife and his child to run and hide. His fingers clench at having to stay here, stay hidden. He longs for something to strike at, an enemy to attack instead of just waiting here.
I hate this. I hate just waiting here. I hate you hiding and I hate this whole bloody war. I just want everything to be over, for this war to end and everything to go back to the way things were. But I’m terrified that that’s never going to happen.
Harry’s finally calmed down now and the night seems disconcerting now that there’s no noise. It’s easier to imagine attackers around every corner and he nearly whips out his wand when Lily walks back into the room.
“He’s finally asleep,” she says with a sigh and James nods then stands.
“Come here,” he whispers and Lily flows into his arms, tucking her head underneath his chin and locking her hands tightly around his back.
“I’m scared, James,” she says against his chest.
James stands there, breathing in the scent of her hair and kisses her forehead that’s marred with worry lines.
“So am I,” he replies.
There’s a noise outside, the crunch of twigs and dead leaves and a sudden dread permeates the house. The fire flickers and dies.
Lily pulls away, eyes wide and searching and all of a sudden James knows who has come. He pushes Lily away, tells her to take Harry and run. A strange kind of exhilaration is filling him. He has a plan of action now, something to do and he nearly laughs. He's terrified but that’s okay because he knows what is coming before him and he can fight it. He throws the letter into the glowing embers of the fire and draws his wand, one last sentence visible before the parchment burns away and the front door breaks down.
Are we having fun yet?
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