So I have seen Endgame! If anyone wants any spoilers, feel free to message me.

So I am less sad than I thought I would be, less angry than I thought I would be, but still generally unsatisfied.

Like it wasn't a bad movie, but it wasn't a great movie either. It was... a movie. That had a bunch of cool moments, less cool moments than Infinity War though.

I think the problem with this movie and Infinity War to a certain extant is that because there are so many characters, they obviously want every character to have their moment but all those moments don't add up together in to one cohesive thing.

So, Natasha died. Which I am sad about but also slightly apathetic about, I guess. She was always a favourite, not my top favourite but certainly up there. But like, she's the only woman in the original team, and she's the one who dies. Which means she doesn't get to be in half the movie, or the final epic battle. And she didn't even get a funeral :( I liked her last moments with Clint (like I said, there were cool moments) but then, that's it. So I guess I am more sad about the way she died, rather than her actual death. But I suspect I am going to get angrier about this once I have more time to process.

I liked that we got more of Nebula and Gamora. (Yay, because now I definitely have footage to make the next vid in my Gamora & Nebula series.) But I am sad that they didn't get to be the ones to kill Thanos, and that they kinda just disappeared from the fight towards the end. And Gamora disappeared even further, like did she get dusted at the end?

The epic fight at the end was kinda cool, but also kinda cheesy. Like yay, everyone's together and fighting side by side but because there is so much going on and so many people, it's just like, whatever. The fight scenes in Winter Soldier still remain my favourite because they were a) really cool and you had time to watch and absorb the fight and appreciate how cool they were, and b) they were personal to the characters, they were emotional, they made you feel. Which you don't (at least I don't) get that same level of investment when it's a huge-ass fight.

And sure, it was kinda cool to see all the women team up in the scene but also a little cheesy because then they don't really do much together. And it kinda feels patronising like see, hey look at all these women, but they aren't going to part of the main fight so just enjoy the glimpses you get! And sure, it was cool to see Captain Marvel and Wanda go head to head with Thanos but they still aren't going to be the ones allowed to finish it.

(Steve picking up the hammer was cool but like, that's all it was. See, lot's of cool moments.)

(And Thor's lightning was cool and his little beard braid (except of course they didn't keep it), but it sure as hell wasn't as cool as his lightning scene in Ragnarok.)

I'm sure I would have liked this movie a lot more if I liked Tony but I still don't. I hated when he was rescued and then started yelling at Steve. I rewatched Infinity War last night and I forgot about the scene in the beginning where Tony has to call Steve and he's like, I can't, we're not on speaking terms when Steve specifically made sure they were on speaking terms in case of a situation exactly like this. But sure it's Steve who abandoned everyone and broke up the team. And then Tony's going on about Ultron and how if he had just been allowed to do it, then the world would have been safe, and like Ultron wouldn't have prevented people being dusted and I highly doubt it's tech would have been enough to save Earth if Thanos rolled up in his ship. And like, he attempted Ultron once, failed and then never even tried anything else again. And Tony still hasn't even apologised for trying to murder Bucky, and yet he screams and calls Steve a liar like that is the worst thing in the whole world, conveniently ignoring all the shit he has done. And then of course, he gets to go and have a family and then refuses to try and help later on because fuck everyone else I guess.

So like, whatever. It's just sad because Ironman was the reason I got into Marvel. I really liked the first Ironman movie and I really liked Tony Stark but it's like every movie since has just made gradually dislike him more and more. But because he gets featured so heavily in the movies, it cuts down the amount of story and screentime everyone else gets. So I don't want to be glad that he's dead but like I am, I really am :/

And then there's Steve.

(Well, there's other stuff but I think I need to see the movie again before I talk about it.)

So Steve didn't die! Yay!

But I don't know what to feel about him going back in time to be with Peggy, getting old and then coming back.

Like that was one of the potential options I really didn't like, and I say this as a die-hard Steggy shipper. I loved their relationship and it was so sad to think about how they didn't get a life together but this just feels like a reset that wipes out and ignores everything else. Ignores what Steve has gone through since, ignores his character arcs, ignores the relationships he has built with other people.

First Avenger made me a Steggy shipper, but Winter Soldier made me a Stucky shipper. And this isn't even really about Stucky in a romantic sense, but the movies built up the Steve and Bucky relationship being something so important to both of them, more important than Peggy because they never really got to start a relationship, but Steve's friendship with Bucky started in childhood and then for them to get reunited after decades so much sorrow was really nice, but then that all got shafted to side like it doesn't even matter. And Bucky didn't even get a final scene with Steve after old!Steve came back. Sam did, which he should have and the handover of the shield was lovely but Bucky gets nothing?

Which is part of why I didn't like Steve going back and having a life with Peggy, and then coming back old because it feels like his life is over now, and it feels like its an end to his relationships with Bucky and Sam (which I know, it doesn't mean that because he's old it doesn't mean they can't be friends), but it feels like an end. Like how in Winter Soldier, when Steve went to visit old!Peggy and it was so sad because yeah, they're still friends but they're not going to have a life together. It feels like that.

Which fuck you, Marvel, for making me care about Steve & Sam and Steve & Bucky and then not following through.

And like, what about Peggy's life? How does that change now. What about the guy she was married to before, the kids she had. Does she still found SHIELD? Does the Agent Carter TV show still happen?

And what about Steve, like he still has his memories, right? Does he what, just stand by and let the shitty parts of history stay the same? Does he let Hydra infilitrate SHIELD? Does he let Bucky stay kidnapped and just has a nice life with Peggy while he's getting tortured and brainwashed and mindwiped? Are we supposed to believe that Steve just stood back and let all that happen? That like goes against everything we've been told about his character!

So even though I love Steggy, I can't even enjoy that nice little moment of them dancing and kissing. Although I will use it for vidding.

But I still have my motivation to vid though which is great! It's a slightly more spiteful motivation but what the fuck ever.

I think that is my attitude towards this movie. What the fuck ever.

Bring on the fix-it fic.